Yesterday TOTALLY sucked. Today's not far behind.

Pall over day. Horrible depression about working in general, especially here. A bit of a nasty night last night with Orpheus, and a touch of sadness about that, insecurity. Feeling like the wind has been whipped out from under me. Can’t make calls. Can’t go home. Can’t quit this place, no matter how much I want to. Heh. So few “can’s” to brag about, so many cannots it doesn’t even make sense to mention them all. Being an adult sucks. If I’d have known it was going to be this bad ten years ago, I really would’ve tried something with the 500-count bottle of ibuprophen I kept under my bed through those angst-ridden teenage years. These days, there are too many people who rely on me for something. Even the thought of trying a thing like that is sickening, and terribly stupid. Here’s a “can’t” for you… Can’t do it, ‘cause what if it didn’t work properly? Besides which, I’m far too sparkling a personality to succumb to the planet. Please.

Today, though, is enough to make me want to crawl under the covers and not come out until a proper stench has developed. At least last night I made a fair approximation of a mojito sauce that O. and I really liked but has been discontinued at Trader Joe’s. I made chicken soft tacos with the sauce (just two limes skinned, de-rinded, and sliced into small chunks, 1 cup of sliced tomatoes, a whole sweet onion chopped coarsely, about a quarter-cup of lemon juice, 3 Tbsps. of olive oil, cayenne pepper, salt, pepper, a sprinkling of “Italian seasoning”, 2 cloves garlic minced fine, 2 small hot peppers, all cooked down a bit), and a can of Cuban-style black beans. With chicken, it was a touch runny, like Qdoba’s marinated meat, but the effect was quite similar to (though less salty than) the Trader Joe’s sauce. It was my only pleasing triumph in the last 24 hours. There was some decent live jazz thrown in before dinner, too, so maybe I should try harder not to malign yesterday so much. I had half the day off to see my new doctor for the first time, and got a nasty surprise on the scale when I weighed 10 pounds more than I should. It’s only 10 pounds less than I weighed when I got married. Nevermind. Yesterday TOTALLY sucked.