Trivia at the Roxbury

Last night, Orpheus and I went to a terrible bar for the second week in a row to play a tawdry trivia game on a team with a few of his remaining college buddies for a $50 gift certificate. For the second week in a row, our team lost. I mean, at least last week we placed second. This week, though? Meh. We didn’t even go to the final “Jeopardy” round. We lost to a team calling themselves “Three Gays and a Lady,” which was just plain embarrassing. I mean, the “lady” in question was a fruit-fly if ever I’ve seen one, and the “gays” in question were of the cosmo-drinking varietal, desperately trying to appear at least five years younger than their actual ages. Now, I may not advertise to just anybody exactly how old I am (28, I’m 28), but I’m not dressing in multiple layers of darted plaid print shirts over skin-hugging concert tees and dark as night jeans tight enough to leave nothing to the imagination, either…

So, the real reason I am not enamored of these silly fags is that this bar is one of the STRAIGHTEST bars on earth, frequented by randy low-brow undergrads. And, while I was minding my own business peeing (eyes glued to the wall,) in the lav, one of the fags comes in, blatantly tries to check out my wiener, and proceeds to whip it out and pee about three feet away from the urinal, eyes fixed on whatever he can see of my cock, chatting away the entire time. I had to turn my head to avoid a full eye of huge, tumescent, wart-crusted pee-pee. It was the CREEPIEST cruise I’ve ever experienced, bar-none… IN THE RESTROOM AT A STRAIGHT BAR!!! Plus, he was the ugliest of said fags, so I was doubly insulted. Don’t throw your nasty, desperate Typhoid Mary at me, bois. That’s a warning.

I just can’t stand losing to losers. Especially when one of said losers unsettled me so much I nearly lost my lunch on top of the rest of it. All in the name of a couple free drinks (remember, split five ways, even, this was still a student bar). Next week, I’m hoping for a creepy-fag-free environ in which to win a couple drinks!