Sex is a most distressing, most delicate, much-maligned and abused part of life. It’s also, like it or not, one of the most sublime expressions of love between individuals… This is why I’m mad at South Park, and a little miffed at Orpheus lately.
South Park, as you may or may not know, just finished a trilogy of episodes set in ‘our imagination.’ The whole mess started with Cartman senselessly delaying a leprechaun (who could’ve just done his job when fatty first saw him,) from warning the denizens of imagination land that terrorists were set to attack. Kyle, though, had a bet with Mr. 4x4 that if leprechauns turned out to be real, he’d suck Eric’s change purse. Needless to say, the Lilliputian envoy is proved ‘real’ through video and other devious means in court, and an (hilarious) subplot ensues whereby Eric goes on a bounty-hunting-like rampage in order to get Kyle to follow through on their deal. It doesn’t end well for Kyle. Though he confronts Cartman in the end, telling him that he’s never going to jingle the fat kid’s change, Eric simply imagines the episode graphically, thus bringing it to life in imagination land, and everybody gets on Kyle’s case about it, anyway.
Lately, it seems like I’m the Cartman in my relationship with Orpheus. We’ve had issues from the beginning dealing with my libido, a.k.a., I have one, and he’s almost strictly a once-a-day guy. Unless he’s been operating under a refectory period (not masturbation free, but me free,) of at least 48 hours, it’s almost impossible to satiate myself with his man-parts to a degree that pleases me. What’s more, he’s kinda lazy in that department. He’ll put out a great deal of energy to do what interests him in bed, which can be more than fine depending on my mood… But when it comes to pleasing me there just doesn’t seem to be overly much commitment on his part, unless he’s also in a very specific mood. Overall, this is most discouraging. I like sex to be hot and intense, yes, but I also like to make it a process, a ritual of renewal. Cuddling, stroking, taking time and care are parts of my approach to a good doink, but Orpheus usually just wants to get to it.
He calls my ministrations ‘clingy,’ and I call his cold and noncommittal. Lately, I’ve been thinking quite a lot about what I want from him, and the tri-partite South Park episode that finally finished last night made me think uncomfortably of Orpheus actually taking the time to go down on me without being asked first. I felt bad thinking of him that way, because he really tries hard to make the sex that he wants enjoyable for me, too… But we’re at an impasse. I’m far better at grinning and bearing it when he needs something, and he doesn’t even think to do the same for me. He’s trying to get used to what I want (which is very similar to what he wants from me, really), but he won’t throw himself at the problem the way I did. Nor does he want to discuss the process, or try to improve the way he’s approaching this problem. I figure, if I’ve lasted through most of a year this way, and there is some headway, I should keep going, but for how long? He hasn’t used the ‘L’ word yet, and acts like he doesn’t care when it comes time for the ritual that makes me feel like there’s something to us.
Boo, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, boo! I already feel bad enough about myself and the world.
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