Man, is Chris Thiele skinny!

Halloween in Madison was quite interesting this year in its’ complete and utter lack of any sort of luster. Granted, it wasn’t ACTUALLY the holiday itself, and any event co-opted by Mountain Dew is bound to suffer from commercial malaise. Also, the lack of originality exhibited by the student body was inexcusable given their past shenanigans… Last Halloween, I saw a 9’ penis walk half a block down State Street, stop, bounce up and down for a good 30 seconds, then erupt with whitish water, repeating the exercise along the full length of the pedestrian mall. I saw Bert and Ernie in perfect clothes and breathtaking paper mache heads, complete with awesome little four-fingered fabric gloves. I saw the SLUTTIEST cops, maids, race-car drivers, hobos, octopi, what-have-yous that I’ve ever seen outside a bedroom. This year, the best costume I saw was a gentleman in an Army dress uniform holding a sign that read “Conserve Your Precious Water!” While this was fun and clever, it certainly wasn’t slutty in the least. Even my costume, which devolved from Sinead O’Connor to Tranny hooker, lacked that certain ‘joi’ I have in past years associated with a romp downtown with the kiddies. Having said this, however, to the call of “How much?” from a drunken frat boy, I responded, in my very best Harvey Fierstein impression to date, “If you have to ask, hon, you can’t afford me.” I think his girlfriend peed herself laughing, but I couldn’t see, ‘cause her skirt was covering her panties entirely.

The weekend itself started off inauspiciously, as Orpheus and I were planning on donning costumes and going out on Friday. Since he didn’t feel like it, and didn’t want to call his friends, we ended up doing nothing on Friday night, not even doinking. Saturday, though he stretched himself to please me by dropping trou in the morning, Orpheus said something quite hurtful after breakfast, for which he apologized half-way through his shift at work by telephone. Finally, after some napping and a great deal of eating (I made mojito chicken burritos with black beans and rice for dinner, and we didn’t exactly eat light), and another doink, we donned our costumes, and went over to his roommate Aphrodite’s BF’s apartment for awkward social interaction. This turned out to be far less awkward than I’d feared, despite the fact that I nearly lost fingers cutting limes for gin with BF's dull-ass kitchen knives. He had friends over, and one of them was the most delightfully bawdy bitch. She was a dirty pirate. From Ohio. Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of Lake Erie. We ended up all going and walking up State Street, though I swore I wouldn’t, and it was… Sedate. The cops were raging assholes, and nervous as heck, but it seems like all the extra drinking due to the game earlier in the day helped anesthetize the kids some, so there was no real reason for over-authoritative tension. A great time was had at the capital bars, which were quite accepting of my tartly attire.

Sunday, I made my normal pilgrimage to DM’s place, with the added bonus that he’d already installed the new OS 10.5, and therefore I got to play with it while listening to his enthusiastic critique for a good half-hour before game play started. However, I’d had so much to drink out on Saturday, I had a low-grade headache when I returned to Orpheus before the concert we attended last night. We went to one of our favorite cheap joints for rabbit food before-hand, and I popped an Excedrin or three, but still wasn’t feeling the love… Then Nickel Creek’s opening act got going, and everything just got better. The energy built all through the show, which was probably one of the three best concerts I’ve ever seen involving modern music. Afterwards, I was crashing, but we still had to bring Orpheus’ printer to his sister, who is a transfer student to the UW Madison this year. As he forgot to bring the driver CD with the first time, he had to leave me at his place and go back with all appropriate software in tow. I was home alone at his place, getting ready to go to bed, when Aphrodite came home crying about BF. I fixed her a drink, let her talk for about fifteen minutes, then lay me down. The next thing I remember is Orpheus slipping under the covers with me, and giving me a good hug. At least there was no sex. I don’t think I could’ve taken it.

Today has been, more or less, a waste. After work, though, I go to Orpheus' place to carve pumpkins with he and Aphrodite. I'll update you on that enterprise, to be sure...

Werewolf bar mitzvah, spooky, scary...

The calm before the storm has officially past. For those of you who don’t know, Madison has played host to several puny, pathetic student “riots” each Halloween for the last few years. In that time period, the City of Madison and the UW have learned to control the students with some aplomb, much as happened back in East Lansing at good ‘ol MSU (my Alma Mater,) in the course of that particular four-year tourist-driven riot craze. This year, they’re corralling off State Street, site of the annual festivities, and cattle-prodding the traditionally half-naked attendees into staging areas where several mediocre national bands will be playing, likely competing for bored audience members. Last year, it was still just a giant fenced-in meat market, where everybody was free-ranging within the pen, and checking each other out. It was a lot of fun, though not quite as cool as the year before. As it’s likely to be colder this year than last, perhaps the enforced press around stages will at least be good for the ladies, preventing colds and such… However, there is one complicating factor.

THIS IS HOMECOMING WEEKEND!!! How could the Administration of the UW have possibly been so stupid? I mean its one thing to be a member of the Big 10 conference and thus be forced into scheduling negotiations to get a sneeze in edgewise, let alone a game rescheduled. It’s entirely another to let history whack you over the head with a double-whammy like, oh, an historically riot-prone weekend and the biggest game of the year all at once. As an aside, the same thing happened two years ago, which was when this annual bloodbath was first recognized as an actual problem by the city. Madison, already widely known for its’ acute alcoholism, will be awash in liquor for the next 48-odd hours, and ready to blow like a powder keg… Especially if the damned Badgers don’t win tomorrow. Add to that the traditional freak-show progression of out-of-towners who come for some “riot action” and the normal sprinkling of drunken lout football fans, and wow. I have half a mind to buy some crappy tickets, but don’t know if I really feel like being trampled, especially if I have to pay for the privilege.

No. Orpheus and I have alternate plans. I’m going to don my tired, third-year drag. I haven’t decided if the short silver sequined number and four inch hells… excuse me, HEELS are going on ‘Sinead O’Conner’ or an unfortunate ‘Natalie Portman’ from ‘V is for Vendetta’ as yet, but either way it works out well. My hair is buzzed close to the scalp, and I can get rid of the goatee easily enough. In said getup, my beau and I shall trip the light fantastic on the capitol square at the slightly more upscale bars. Hopefully, we won’t be able to smell the teargas when the riot police are called out in force, but I figure that the screams will still be more than audible. Ahh, the wonder that is an undergraduate education… How glad I am that my liver survived thee. I'll post again on Monday, if still extant.